Category: Mind and Body
Created on Monday, 03 December 2012 18:38
Self-sabotage comes in many forms. We may have no idea where our self sabotage is coming from. Do you ever ask yourself "Why did I do that?
"Self-sabotage is any behavior, thought, emotion or action that holds you back from getting what you want consciously. Moreover, it is the conflict that exists between conscious desires and unconscious wants that manifests in self-sabotage patterns. It not only prevents you from reaching your goal, but also becomes a safety mechanism that protects you against disappointment. In other words, your brain is protecting you from getting hurt by doing what it thinks is best, which is keeping you within your comfort zone.In others words you work against yourself unconsciously by putting obstacles in your own path to success."
Signs of Self-Sabotaging BehaviorsGoing for what you want but feeling like something is road-blocking the way? Finding yourself *not* doing some of the things you know you should be doing?You may be a victim of sabotage self-sabotage!1.Focusing on what is not working or not right.Problem: Finding that you think a lot and speak a lot about what is going wrong can make you feel dissatisfied and can quiet your sense of purpose and ambition. Notice how often you speak about things that aren't working.Action: Ask yourself a new question: "What's going right?" or "What IS working?" Begin to notice all the things, no matter how small, that are working well. Keep an evidence journal and each day write down everything, I do mean everything, that is working. Change your way of thinking! 2.Being stuck in fear.Problem: Do you worry a lot about the future and what is going to happen or might happen? Are you thinking about your fears so much that you are paralyzed and take no action because of fear of what might occur?Action: It is time to put your focus on the present. We can't control or predict the future or other people's behaviors. All we can control is our own, right here, right now. Ask yourself the question "What is the worst thing that could happen?" Then, let go and know that it isn't in your hands to control the future and that rarely do the scenarios we create in our heads occur. 3.Feeling you have no value.Problem: Do you forget all your accomplishments and lack pride in who you are and what you have accomplished? If you stew and obsess about the past or your lack of success or lack of goal achievement, then you'll be stuck in noticing how much you lack as a person. If you often criticize yourself or can't accept compliments, you aren't allowing yourself to love yourself.Action: You can choose to notice what you do that is good and that you can be proud of, no matter how small it may seem. Each day keep a log of what you are grateful for about YOU. When you hear your "inner coach" or inner voice telling you what you haven't done right or well, turn down the volume on it and turn on the volume to hear the voice that knows the TRUTH about who you are and how you add value to the world. Acknowledge yourself for at least 5 things each and every day that you did well. Each day, compliment yourself on something you did that you feel good about. Notice your small successes and let compliments others give you flow into your bones. 4.Comparison of self to others.Problem: Do you constantly compare yourself to others and then feel badly when compared to them? Comparison doesn't motivate us to do more or be better, instead it makes us feel we'll never be good enough and we aren't right now.Action: Write out the 5 qualities you like best about yourself. Then write out what you value most in your life. When you go to a place of comparison, notice how similar you are with the other person vs. what is different. Begin to create a list of adjectives that describe you - at least 25 positive words about your greatness. Whenever you notice yourself in a comparison mode, think of some of the adjectives that describe YOU. 5.Meeting goals and then losing them.Problem: Do you not believe that you deserve to accomplish goals and that you are entitled to what you want? What is the story underneath - maybe that you aren't good enough to have it?Action: List all the things you have accomplished that then faded away. Simply notice these things with love and pride and don't focus on the fact they disappeared. How did they bring you satisfaction? How did they make you feel? What is the limiting belief that you have that tells you inside why you can't have what you want? Be quiet, be still and listen to it. Write down how you felt when you had accomplished the goal. Write down how you feel now, without the goal. Then write a "bridge belief": A very, very small belief that feels a little bit better than what you now feel. Each week, create a new bridge, that you can really believe. By using these bridges as stepping-stones, you'll shift your limiting beliefs slowly and be on the other side of the bridge and able to maintain it because you will have a new belief inside of you 6.You chase away relationships.Problem: Do you always feel something is missing in your relationships or find fault with the other person? Perhaps you are afraid of intimacy. Underneath this is usually a fear of abandonment or exposure that causes you to distance yourself from others.Action: Create a list of the qualities you value in a relationship and the qualities you want to attract in your partners. Cultivate connections you have with people. Express what you want and don't want to the other person and allow them to express the same to you. Create time to acknowledge the other person on a regular basis. Notice when you feel afraid and let the fillings be - accept them and allow them to sit there. Don't try to push them away. Know that the feelings are there and that is fine. Focus on what feels good about the relationship 7.Having no purposeProblem: Do you feel you have no reason for being? No purpose in life? We all have some purpose for being on the planet and it is time to notice yours.Action: Write down all the things that are important to you (include possessions, people and feelings). Then write out what you want to contribute to the world. From your writing, create a statement of purpose for yourself that you can read each and every day. Add spirituality to your life. Give to others, give to the world and feel great about it. Make regular contributions to people and community. To give is to receive. Give, give, give and you'll Feeeeeel your life purpose begin to resonate. By Terri LevinePresident, Comprehensive Coaching Uwww.coachinginstruction.com
|Have you ever gone out of your way to NOT take care of yourself? Does it ever seem like you're working against yourself? Do you ever ask yourself "Why did I do that??"My "inner saboteur" loves to tell me "leave the dishes, you can do them later.". This is particularly harmful for me for two reasons. One is that I'm very affected by clutter in my environment. I never feel quite as motivated to take care of myself when there are dirty dishes on my counter. The second reason is that more dishes mean a longer time standing at the sink, which causes me physical discomfort.The dictionary definition of sabotage is "an act or process tending to hamper or hurt" or "deliberate subversion". Hmmm. Why on earth would we sabotage ourselves? That's a complicated answer.|
And a simple one. We choose to.Sometimes it's so frightening to imagine changing, growing or making conscious choices that we deliberately hamper our own efforts. “I make choices every minute of every day”. “My life is up to me”. Those are intimidating thoughts. And doing things the way we've always done them feels safe and comforting.So how do you deal with your self-sabotage? The first step is to identify how you're sabotaging yourself.
For me, realizing the effect that the dishes had on me was hugely important. Putting "do your dishes regularly so they don't build up" into my list of daily practices has had a big impact on my self-care. It's brought the issue into the forefront and helped me to think about it as often as I needed to.To start, create two columns on a piece of paper. On the left, list the healthy habits that you would like to be doing.
Now, think about times in your life when you may have tried to implement them. What happened? In the right column, write down next to each healthy habit the actions or thoughts that stopped you from doing it or keeping it up.Think carefully and take responsibility where it's due! Yes, there are other people in your life who affect how you spend your time. And, you still always had and have a choice.Now you have a list of ways that you may be sabotaging yourself - congratulations! Please don't judge yourself or use this as evidence to fuel your inner saboteur, whose favourite saying may be "You can't do this". You CAN do this! This list is your line of defense against your inner saboteur. Everything's out in the open, just like with my dishes.
The next step is to create your own self-care plan - a list of daily practices to foil your "inner saboteur" - and develop the healthy habits that will make you feel more energized, relaxed and balanced.
In the meantime, I've got some dishes to do… Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Linda_Dessau
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