Some thoughts and feelings are going to be uncomfortable. Feelings are not always rational and guilt is a powerful emotion that needs to be deal with.
Irrational, inappropriate guilt is an emotional obstacle for many individuals, many of whom are intrinsically good people who demand more of themselves than they reasonably should.
First step to dealing with guilt is understand if it’s a rational or irrational guilt.... Some guilt can be rational while some can be pointless and destructive( can be real or neurotic). No one is immune to guilt.
GUILT can be healthy in that it is the feeling we experience when we do something we judge, by our moral code, to be wrong and it will be a motivator to change. You cannot feel guilty if you did not intentionally cause this to happen. Unhealthy guilt is something else. This occurs when we establish unreasonably high standards for ourselves with the result that we feel guilty at absolutely understandable failure to maintain these standard.. Guilt and shame are with us from a very early age. Irrational guilt can also be a learned response. Children raised in an environment in which rigid and inflexible standards are maintained and who are not offered love or encouragement unless they are "perfect" often learn to feel guilty for not living up to parental standards. Guilt is commonly seen as the guardian and shame is about embarrassment, humiliation, feeling of low value and above all, powerless.
People suffering from neurotic shame tend to take too much personal responsibility for occurrences within their world. If the infant was never helped to understand the meaning of his or her needs by parental empathic and verbal communication then, as an adult, this person might never achieve a sense of where he or she ends emotionally and where the rest of the world starts.
Guilt can make you become over responsible or immobilize you. You can become so overcome by the fear of doing, acting, saying, or being ``wrong'' that you eventually collapse, give in, and choose inactivity, silence, and the status quo . You may have an overly sensitive conscience, imagining you've done wrong when you really haven't. Or you may be so intent on living a perfect life that you have this sense of self-condemnation all the time.Also guilt makes you ignore the full array of emotions and feelings available to you.
Irrational beliefs or negative self-scripts are involved in guilt. Learn to accept personal limitations. In relationship deal with a toxic individual who can't be avoided or eliminated. Toxic people act and anticipate a certain reaction in return; the victim of a toxic person can change the game by not giving them what they expect.
Refute the irrational beliefs. “You feel guilty if you break one of your moral principles for a morally overriding reason? The answer is no! There is a difference between the emotion of regret and that of guilt If you do something that you think is wrong, it is your action that is wrong,Not you!. You are distinct from your action..” Once you have determined that the thought is irrational, you are ready to refute this irrational belief.Ask yourself : What problem is currently troubling me? Who is responsible for the problem? Whose problem is it, really? How insurmountable is the problem? What fears are blocking me at this moment from taking the steps i need to resolve this problem? Why do I feel guilty? How much guilt do I feel? This are simple questions wich may give us simple solutions.
Our emotional responses are central to our own ethical maturity. Ethical responses and evaluations are thus configurations of feeling, thinking, and acting at the right time, for the right reason, and in the right degree. These are not reducible to codifiable judgment. Rember that :morality is not etched in stone. It is impossible to judge what is absolutely just and fair.
People are human. Things happen. Maybe we might be wise to regret having done some bad thing; but, to put oneself down for doing a regrettable thing is nonsense. Give yourself a break.Think ! Ask yourself! Keep your thoughts and actions focused on the present. Forget regrets; nothing can change the past.
If this sounds like you, you are not alone.