“I am 26 years old. i know that i am gay because i dont feel any attraction towards girls or women when it comes to sex. However i feel attraction towards boys or men. Recently i made a friend in my office.few days later he became my roommate. He is straight. But i feel great attraction towards him.In my whole life i never fall in love with a guy or a girl. But this is first time i feel that i fall in love with that guy. Whenever we stopped talking for whatever reason i felt lonely. I use to cry in washroom.
I always feel good in his company. He is the only person in this world who knows that i am gay since i told him about it but i never told him that i feel attraction towards him as well and m too emotional for him. Also i feel very jealous when he talks or chat with his girlfriend. because of all this my normal life is becoming abnormal. I want to get rid of this and want to come out of this. I want to live normal life like other straight men. want to make my own family. is it possible for me to convert into straight. Should i marry a girl being a gay. will it effect my married life. If someone suggests me that being a gay you should not marry to a girl.
Then what would happen to my rest of my life. I dont want to live rest of my life alone .At the same time i dont want to marry a man.
Please help me.”
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”
Freud agreed that a homosexual orientation should not be viewed as a form of pathology. In a now-famous letter to an American mother in 1935, Freud wrote:
"Homosexuality is assuredly no advantage, but it is nothing to be ashamed of, no vice, no degradation, it cannot be classified as an illness; we consider it to be a variation of the sexual function produced by a certain arrest of sexual development. Many highly respectable individuals of ancient and modern times have been homosexuals, several of the greatest men among them (Plato, Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, etc.). It is a great injustice to persecute homosexuality as a crime, and cruelty too....
Others believe that some people are gay because they chose to be gay. In fact for gay people, this is not true. They did not wake up one morning and say to themselves, "Well, so far in my life I've been straight; from now on I think I am going to be gay." The direction of our attractions is not something that we can quickly change, like switching a light on and off.
Sexual Orientation is a term used to describe our patterns of emotional, romantic, and sexual attraction—and our sense of personal and social identity based on those attractions. Recent research suggests that a person's sexual orientation is not a black or white matter; sexual orientation exists along a continuum, with exclusive attraction to the opposite sex on one pole and exclusive attraction to the same sex on the other.
The most scientists agree that nature and nurture both play complex roles, the determinants of sexual orientation are still poorly understood. Current reseach into its underpinnings frequently focuses on the role of genes, environment, brain structure, and hormones. Psycho-social explanations offer a variety of factors that could contribute to the development of a person's homosexuality. For example, a female dominated upbringing in a gay man's past, with an absence of a male role model. Others stress adherence or deviance from conformity to gender roles, and individual psychological makeup. While none of these factors alone completely answers the question 'what causes homosexuality?', they rule out some things.
Is homosexuality a mental disorder?
Psychological theories abound. No, lesbian, gay, and bisexual orientations are not disorders. Lesbian, gay, and bisexual relationships are normal forms of human bonding.
Why are people gay? Unfortunately, there is not yet a conclusive study which tell us exactly what causes homosexuality. Many studies show correlations, but there is not an accepted scientific consensus on the cause of homosexuality.
The best-known studies are those of Dr. J. D. Rainer, who analyzed cases of identical twins, where one turned out to be hetero- and the other homosexual. Dr. W. H. Perloff has discounted hormonal influence as a cause of homosexuality. He classifies it as a “purely psychological condition.” Other experts, such as Karen Horney, Charles Socarides, and Marcel Eck, have drawn similar conclusions. True, every now and then, the discovery of a “homosexual gene” makes the world headlines, but each time the news turns out to be false. Sigmund Freud, who analyzed the dreams and fantasies of many homosexual patients, was always able to uncover traces of a normal, deeply hidden heterosexual disposition. His disciples, Alfred Adler and Wilhelm Stekel, first linked homosexuality with neurotic disorders. Adler characterized it as an inferiority complex, Stekel a “psychological infantilism.” According to Dr. van den Aardweg, homosexuality is an emotional disorder developed during childhood and adolescence. “The chief factor underlying the male homosexual complex” he observes, “is a lack of identification with the father or a distant or dysfunctional relationship with him. The paternal factor is often a ‘psychologically absent father.’ He may be present, but if he is an older man, or insufficiently fatherly or masculine, then he is effectively absent and becomes a ‘psychologically absent father.’
“The other significant factor is the mother, who should always refrain from over-coddling and excessive solicitude. When a mother is over-concerned with her boy, is too close to him, has a tendency to control him, is quick and active, does everything for him, she undercuts his initiative.
“This maternal factor can result in the boy underdeveloping his sense of boyhood. When both these factors — father and mother — converge in a family, there is likelihood that the boy will feel inadequate among his peers. In a world of boys he will stand apart.
“There are other factors involved, such as the boy’s position in the family, his relationship with his siblings, and how he sees his body. My patients often complain about physical problems they faced as boys: stuttering, obesity, and other traits, which they perceived as defects. Another factor is their manner of rearing, for example by grandparents.
“All these factors cause the boy to feel out of his element among his friends. They are too rough for him. They have manners that he does not understand. Statistically, homosexuals as boys rarely engage in boyish scrapping or take part in sports such as football, soccer, baseball or hockey, though it is unclear if this is because they don’t know how or if they were afraid of losing or being hurt. It is here that an inferiority complex takes root. The above-mentioned factors set the stage for what happens to the boy in adolescence, that is, from the ages of 10-12 to 16. It is only then that these disparate factors begin to converge. A boy who does not feel part of the group, who feels uncomfortable and out of his element in a man’s world, is susceptible to a range of complexes.
“Something occurs to a prepubescent or adolescent boy who is unable to make friendships, who feels more at ease in the company of girls, who is afraid of his peers, especially if he withdraws into himself and begins nursing a desire for a friend. He may have someone in mind. He begins to notice that his friend has something he lacks, something that makes him popular — courage, masculine looks, physical prowess. Meanwhile, he feels he lacks these qualities. He is not well built, etc. This is where an inferiority complex begins to assert itself. The boy feels he is not up to the mark. He is not as good looking. Above all, his masculinity is in question. So he begins to admire his friend from a distance and desire him. With the onset of adolescence these fantasies to have a friend begin to take on an erotic character. These erotic feelings go hand in hand with an intense sense of worship. One might even call it a form of idolatry, a divinization of someone else’s masculinity. This may only be childish wonder, but it can be very strong, and the greater the feeling of loneliness and inferiority the more powerful the wonder gets. Thus the desire grows. The final point is habit. Habit brings two things together: desire for the divinized person and self-pity, or what I call ‘autodramatization.’ By this I mean an exaggerated playing up of one’s hurt and pain. The complex is thus reinforced. This invariably happens in the pre-homosexualization phase of a given individual.
“Every adult homosexual indulges in a measure of self-pity. This constant, unconscious emotion stems not so much from his homosexuality as from a sense that he is not a man like others. Since his youth he feels he has been excluded from the circle of his peers. This he interprets as discrimination. He represents the persecuted poor. This is the official gay position — that homosexuals are poor victims. It resonates nicely with their infantile fantasies.
It suits them perfectly because homosexuals have always felt outside the group. Hence this desire for a friend, this search for an ideal Male. One might say that homosexuals are fascinated by masculinity.”
The international scientific community stands deeply divided on the definition of homosexuality and the viability of preventive therapy of persons with homosexual tendencies. It is worth noting that when in 1973 the American Psychiatrists Association removed the term “homosexuality” from the manual of mental disorders, only 58 percent of the members voted in favor of this decision A great many psychologists, psychiatrists, and psychotherapists still consider homosexuality a disordered sexual orientation.
Toward the end of his long career as a doctor of psychiatry, Holland’s pioneer in the preventive therapy of homosexuals, Johan Leonard Arndt (d. 1965), stated: “I have never met a mentally healthy and happy homosexual.” Invariably, his patients complained of loneliness, unstable relationships and depression. Another Dutch psychiatrist, Adrianus Dingeman de Groot, notes that homosexuals exhibit a sensibility typical of neurotics. Emotionally, they tend to be more frustrated than are heterosexuals. These observations have been borne out by researchers at the University of Indiana, who found that up to 60 percent of “socially well-adjusted” gays seek out psychiatric or psychological help at some point in their life.
Although gay activists do not dispute these facts, they put their own construction on them. In their view, the personal difficulties of gays result from social intolerance and being denied the “same” rights as heterosexuals. But in Holland these barriers no longer exist. Homosexuality is universally accepted and legally sanctioned. And yet the scale of neurotic problems among gays shows no signs of decrease.
Homosexual relationships are by nature short-lived, says van den Aardweg. This is because of the infantilism that underlies homosexuality. “Infantile fantasy is a peculiar form of fantasy. It is a fantasy of seeking. It can never be satisfied. It goes more or less like this: Ah, if only I had a good friend. The complaint constantly comes back like a refrain. You don’t love me as my first friend did. The complaints and laments go on until he finds another Friend who is more beautiful. Homosexual love is not love, but a yearning, an insatiable desire. It is a yearning characteristic of adolescence. When we go into it more deeply, we show it up for the impoverished feeling that it is. What comes to light is that the homosexual is doing this for himself alone. He seeks love and sincerity from someone else. It is not a true, mature form of love, which consists not only in accepting but also in the giving of oneself — sacrificing oneself for another. That is why homosexual love is false.”
Therapy generally lasts several years. It consists mainly in self-examination and inner struggle. Its goal is to help achieve the emotional maturity necessary for marriage and family life. Its success depends on the patient’s motivation, his perseverance and honesty with himself. (www.loamagazine.org)
As far as we know, nature is the place where we record our existence as living beings and it’s much bigger and more complex than all of our knowledge. Homosexuality (in all its forms) has and will always be present throughout the earth.
Homosexual behaviour has been observed in hundreds of species, from bison to penguins. It is still not clear to what extent homosexuality in humans or other animals is genetic (rather than, say, due to hormonal extremes during embryonic development), but there are many mechanisms that could explain why gene variants linked to homosexuality are maintained in a population. A common assumption is that homosexuality means not having children, but this is not necessarily true, especially in cultures other than our own. Until it became acceptable for same-sex couples to live together in western countries, many homosexual people had partners of the opposite sex. In some traditional societies, various forms of non-exclusive homosexuality were common. Among animals, homosexual behaviour is usually non-exclusive. For instance, in some populations of Japanese macaques, females prefer female sexual partners to male ones but still mate with males - they are bisexual, in other words. Another possibility is that homosexuality evolves and persists because it benefits groups or relatives, rather than individuals. In bonobos, homosexual behaviour might have benefits at a group level by promoting social cohesion. One study in Samoa found gay men devote more time to their nieces and nephews, suggesting it might be an example of kin selection (promoting your own genes in the bodies of others). Even if homosexuality does reduce reproductive success, as most people assume, there are plenty of possible reasons why it is so common. For instance, gene variants that cause homosexual behaviour might have other, beneficial effects such as boosting fertility in women, as one recent study suggests, just as the gene variant for sickle-cell anaemia is maintained because it reduces the severity of malaria. Homosexuality could also be a result of females preferring males with certain tendencies - sexual selection can favour traits that reduce overall fitness, such as the peacock's tail
Given that, until recently, homosexual behaviour in animals was ignored or even denied, it's hardly surprising that we cannot yet say for sure which of these explanations is correct. It could well turn out that different explanations are true in different species.
Homosexuals are victims of prejudice for multiple reasons.
Heterosexism is the belief that everyone is, or should be, heterosexual and that other forms of sexuality are unacceptable.
Homophobia means fear of homosexuality. Some people may feel threatened by people who have sexual preferences other than their own. They may express this fear in a variety of ways ranging from subtle discrimination to overt violence. There are many different ways in which homosexual people experience homophobia, including malicious gossip, name-calling, intimidating looks, internet bullying, vandalism and theft of property, discrimination at work, school and the community, isolation and rejection, sexual assault, or in some countries, being sentenced to death. They are targeted by the heterosexuals because of the failure to recognize them as normal and respect their lifestyle. Anti-gay and lesbian discrimination tends to be particularly brutal and nasty.
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”
Some choose to keep their identity a secret; some choose to come out in limited circumstances; some decide to come out in very public ways.
Homosexuality contradicts some religious beliefs, traditional family, and “out of the norm” behavior. All religions forbid sexual relationships within the same gender.
“The bible says that God created Adam and Eve. The bible says that homosexuality is wrong. The bible says that it is the written word of God. Prove it. Prove that all of the stories in the bible actually happened.
Religion is based on faith, not fact. When it comes down to it, it is faith that people rely on in their religion. It is this faith that people use to justify discrimination. They discriminate because the bible says that homosexuality is wrong and not because these people are proven to be harmful to society.
There are many different religions with hundreds of millions of followers. Each follower firmly believes that their religion is the right one. They can’t all be right. If millions are wrong about that important part, then couldn’t they be wrong about other things like homosexuality? “.
Both heterosexual behavior and homosexual behavior are normal aspects of human sexuality. Both have been documented in many different cultures and historical eras. Despite the persistence of stereotypes that portray lesbian, gay, and bisexual people as disturbed, several decades of research and clinical experience have led all mainstream medical and mental health organizations to conclude that these orientations represent normal forms of human experience.”