Why do we fear vulnerability?

vulnerability Face-Your-Fear Vulnerability comes from a feeling of being at risk and is part of being human.
Many people see that being vulnerable is a sign of weakness…NO.. Many people do not understand the term vulnerability.
 Most of us, no matter how dedicated we are to communicating openly, would automatically be inclined to hide our vulnerability at the very moment someone is intentionally putting us down or embarrassing us in front of others. We typically show our vulnerability when we feel safe, usually not when under attack unless we are "breaking down" or "giving in."
“Why do we fear vulnerability? We are afraid that if someone finds out who we really are, they will reject us. While we may try to appear perfect, strong or intelligent in order to connect with others in actual fact pretense often has the opposite effect intended. We resonate too deeply with one another not to perceive inauthenticity. A recent study indicates that verbally expressing our feelings exactly as they are may help us overcome emotions faster.

When we allow ourselves to be completely open and vulnerable, we benefit, our inauthenticity improve, and we may even become more attractive. "We are actually drawn to people who are real and down-to-earth.We love authenticity and we know that life is messy and imperfect.” (Brene Brown)  
Moreover, someone who is real and and vulnerable gives us the space and permission to be the same."(Emma M. Seppala, Ph.D.)

Vulnerability helps you unpack your “baggage”and gives you new allies. If I censored parts of my personality, or decided that I – just the way I am – am not good enough, it would be a double disservice.
 The power of being vulnerable in front of of someone else you can trust comes from being open to the possibility that you can deal with your situation in a healthy way rather than just stewing in it.
What happens to the person to whom this vulnerability and trust is being shown?
"Thank you for trusting me with your vulnerability!” This vulnerability has now created a loving friend, that loving friend will now stand by you and, more importantly, that loving friend having been exposed to your vulnerability will expose their vulnerability to you.  This loving friend will now tell you their innermost secrets because you have allowed them into your sacred space through your vulnerability.
They will now feel comfortable to reciprocate their vulnerability to you. They feel comfortable now to honour you, to respect you, to trust you and to love you by explaining their areas of vulnerability to you.  From this is formed a very strong bond of friendship, a bond of love.
If you are insecure, you go back to how you handled things in the past,  and often times feel a sense of powerlessness.
 All those years of building up defenses to protect you from your vulnerability, from your inner feelings.  All those facades, all those secrets and lies, all those feelings of insecurity that you covered up with facades, all of that toughness, that exterior, that armour that you placed around yourself to protect you from exposing what you really feel about yourself, that you did not want to confess to other people, let alone yourself, has been sliced through like a knife through soft butter.
You simply became vulnerable.  In that vulnerability you trusted someone whose trust proved justifiable.  Someone who said "Thank you for honouring me, thank you for respecting me, thank you for trusting me, thank you for loving me.  Thank you for providing a bridge between ourselves so the love could travel along." Inherently everyone wants to be loved, respected, honoured, admired and trusted.
 Letting your guard down and opening yourself up to whatever comes is a testament of true strength. Even if another person does not love you back, you are still complete and your needs are being met. Thus you can allow yourself freedom to be whoever you are and not need to conform to the expectations of “others,” to survive.
And if however your vulnerability leaves you wounded, there are still lessons to be learned. We cannot control the actions of others. Many of us die trying.
If you want to attract “better things” into your life, work on becoming a better person. You attract what you are. Choose friends who share your enthusiasm for life and appreciate your strengths and weaknesses.  Showing vulnerability gives us the power to build trust. We feel safe, when we can really trust the other person. If I can't trust you, I can't be fully open.
Sometimes if you are indirect because you don't want to hurt me, or are afraid of my reactions, instead of making it easier for you to open up, I start accusing you of wanting to deceive or manipulate me. If I am blunt in my honesty, you start accusing me of wanting to dominate you or tear down your self-esteem.
As we increasingly hide our vulnerability, we begin an isolating spiral that leads to alienation. When we become alienated and untrusting we often act as "enemies." We hide our vulnerability and lose our compassion.
 Every relationship has breakdowns in trust. Our power to build trust is fueled by our ability to express ourselves openly even when trust is damaged. If we stop showing our vulnerability when our trust feels damaged, then it will be a given that we become increasingly guarded and walled off from each other. Judgments, criticisms and labels all function to isolate us from others. Shame feelings are created when there is a betrayal by other people and a broken trust through expressing harsh disapproval.
If I want to break the cycle, I have to be willing to show my vulnerability even when I think you're intentionally wanting to hurt me. I can ask you directly, gently, "Are you wanting to hurt me? If so, you are succeeding." And I can tell you about my hurt openly, whether I trust that you will care or not.
 “Learning to accept and relate to our vulnerability, by contrast, is a source of real inner power and strength. Fake power of the macho kind - which is really a form of control, tightness and tension - has no real strength in it. As an attempt to have power over, it is top heavy and forever in danger of being toppled. Trying to maintain control in this way keeps us highly vulnerable in the fragile ego sense. Since life constantly challenges our attempts to control it, the amount of energy we put into guarding and defending only drains our strength away.
Source:Vulnerability, Power and the Healing Relationship,The Book of Evolving Relationships,www.psychologytoday.com/blog-Emma M. Seppala, Ph.D.

„In our anxious world, we often protect ourselves by closing off parts of our lives that leave us feeling most vulnerable. Yet invulnerability has a price. When we knowingly or unknowingly numb ourselves to what we sense threatens us, we sacrifice an essential tool for navigating uncertain times -- joy. This talk will explore how and why fear and collective scarcity has profoundly dangerous consequences on how we live, love, parent, work and engage in relationships -- and how simple acts can restore our sense of purpose and meaning.”

„People who have a strong sense of love and belonging exhibit three very fundamental expressions; courage, compassion, and connection. The courage to be imperfect, the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, and connection as a result of authenticity. They are willing to let go of who they should be, in order to be who are. The other thing that they have in common is that they fully embrace vulnerability; they believe that what makes them vulnerable makes them beautiful.”

„Vulnerability is something we all need, because it opens the way in which our true emotions and feelings flow and as humans we cannon't keep them in ourselves.
When you are vulnerable you are not thinking about what you are for the outside world but about what you are in you, and thus you break that barrier to release everything that comes right from the heart.’

„Once we become immortal we wont be "vulnerable" anymore. Since we are likely to NOT become immortal (most of us) then accept that vulnerability is the root of mortality and don't try to suppress it, oppress it, or lament it. Vulnerability comes before we breathe air (womb life).”




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