World inside me

depressed Depression

Short introduction...

Depression is the most common psychological problem in modern society , afflicting more than 17 million Americans and more than 100 million people worldwide each year. It is estimated to affect about 25 percent of women and 10 percent of men during their lives, and 5 percent of people during adolescence.
 Depression is also a disease that does not discriminate. No one is immune from an attack of depression.
It cuts across all economic and social classes and affects people of all ages, from children to the elderly. The human mind cannot be examined as easily as a chemical in a test tube. We are designed to feel depressed when we focus upon depressing things, or when we go through a tragedy or loss. Human beings experience unhappiness.
 An insidious disease, depression is multi-faceted. The symptoms of depression are not always the same.
“Depression is an illness that affects many levels of health. We tend to think first of the drastic changes in mood and vitality: hopelessness, lost energy, confused thinking, broken self-esteem, paralysis of will - and thoughts of suicide. Those symptoms are devastating enough, but even they do not give a full picture of depression's impact.” ( John Folk-Williams)
 Everyone feels depressed at times. Depression has probably been around as long as the human race. In classical Greece and medieval Europe it was termed “melancholia,” one of the four fluids people were believed to have in their bodies that determined their personality traits. Still, depression may be the most underdiagnosed and misdiagnosed disease around. The causes of depression can be just as varied and uncertain.. Specific losses may be involved: loss of a loved one, a  career,cherished illusion, material possessions or self- esteem.Or may be a more global sense of defeat carried over from childhood.
 It is normal to feel depressed about a loss or failure. Reality takes on a bitter taste. An important indicator of depression is any unexplained change in mood and behavior. The depressed person feels a sense of powerlessness and loss of control, and is unable to trust reality. Because its symptoms are varied and often subtle, depression at any age can be hard to identify.
Depressed people often think intensely about their problems. These thoughts are called ruminations; they are persistent and depressed people have difficulty thinking about anything else. They hold this bitterness inside, chew it over, and make themselves sick with it.They become convinced that the world are basically bad.”Loss of heart” arises from a basic sense a grief and defeat.

Depressed people of all ages tend to become socially isolated. This worsens their symptoms and makes it harder for them to get help.
„What, then, is the first thing I do to isolate myself? In my case, as I think about it now, I stop talking to people, everyone, focus on my own thoughts, which suddenly take so much attention that I hardly notice anything or anyone around me. If I’m already alone, I cut off every possible way I might be reached. Turn off phones, computers, don’t respond to any knocking at my awareness, withdraw into a mesmerizing passivity, staring into a rich nothingness that offers a hope of inner peace.. Then there was the isolating drive of depression, the belief that I was in too much pain to face anyone – too lost in despair to move. I believed I could survive only by cutting myself off from everyone, yet that only intensified the feeling of having nowhere to turn. I ruled out the possibility that anyone could break through the wall I’d put up around me. The result was that I went more deeply into despair. Eventually, the crisis passed, but it wasn’t the isolation that had helped me survive.(John Folk-Williams)
Depressed people often have trouble performing everyday activities, they can’t concentrate on their work, they tend to socially isolate themselves, they are lethargic, and they often lose the ability to take pleasure from such activities such as eating and sex.  Some can plunge into severe, lengthy, and even life-threatening bouts of depression.
Many depressed people lack energy and have trouble getting out of bed each day; others are full of nervous energy and suffer from sleepless nights.
Depressed adults tend to direct their angry feelings inward. People’s personalities change as they sink into a depression. Depression sets in when we conclude that there is something basically wrong with us because we experience pain, we feel vulnerable or sad, we cannot hold on to our achievements, or we discover the hollowness of our self-created identity. Some deal with the constant sensation that they are "not connected with the rest of the world" and "unimportant".
“Depression brings the whole world inside me. I look at people and everything around me, and I’m not seeing anything but evidence of how bad I am. I’m dancing with my own nightmares. Even if I’m only mildly depressed and feel suspended amid a thousand possibilities, no one of which I can choose, I’m assuming that whichever I might pick will not take me anywhere. I’ll move in an endless circle…
Nothing good can result from what I do, and so there is no vision that I can choose of my own will. Everyone else is better than I am, and each seems a powerful presence that only makes me smaller still. Whatever I do will not work and only confirms the worst. All the creative possibilities I might see when I’m healthy become so many triggers of obsessive thinking.” (John Folk-Williams)

Sadness connects us with the rawness of not knowing who we are and not being able to control or hold on to our quickly passing life. Parallel Universe We give in to our "inner critic” and imagining that the critic’s punitive view are equivalent to reality , we come to believe that our self and world are basically bad. Frozen anger is turned inward against oneself and becomes a self-punishing weapon wielded by the critic. It invites us to let go of the reference points we normally use to prop ourselves up and make ourselves feel secure. Because depression is a kind of emotional shut-down, resulting from unexpressed sorrow, fear and anger.
But inner critic; it is always a fabrication, never an immediate felt experience. Being clinically depressed is very different from the down type of feeling that all people experience from time to time.
Although there are many varieties of depression, we could describe this pathology in general phenomenological terms as a feeling of being "weighed down" by reality.To better understand the nature of depression, it helps to contrast the three most common types—depressive reaction, dysthymia, and major depression. Depressive reaction is usually minor and temporary, and the depressed feelings have a specific, immediate cause. In some cases of depressive reaction, the sadness may be extreme. Intense grief is a natural response to the loss of a loved one. Dysthymia is a mild but chronic form of depression-“abnormal or impaired” and “mood.” The symptoms of dysthymia are less intense than those of depressive reaction, but they last for two years or more in adults. The depressed period is followed by about two months of relief, after which symptoms recur. Common dysthymia symptoms are disturbances in appetite and sleep, low energy level, and low self-esteem. Dysthymia is probably a milder form of that more serious disorder. Many people don’t recognize their depressed mood as a disease and instead accept it as part of their personality. They who are not treated for dysthymia go on to develop major depression.

Major depression, also known as depressive illness or unipolar disorder, is a serious form of depression. The most obvious sign is depressed mood, which is often accompanied by loss of interest in one’s usual activities, fatigue,sleep problems, overeating or loss of appetite, difficulty concentrating, and feelings of helplessness. Feelings of worthlessness and guilt and thoughts of death are also common. In teens, depressive illness often displays the same symptoms,but in some cases it may be signaled by angry, destructive behavior or sudden aggressiveness. Irritability and insatiability—the inability to be satisfied—are other common symptoms of teen depression. Major depression can also run in cycles. But responds well to treatment. The majority of people treated are able to recover completely. You can do this!
” There is always hope. Depression blinds us to that fact. If we can somehow hold on to our hope, just maybe we can find a way to get through.” You can win.! “If we can begin to move from the “depression is a mental disorder” model to the idea that human beings must deal more effectively with the realities of human existence, including the realities of sadness, despair and grief, we will have taken a giant step away from “medicalizing everything” and toward lives lived with renewed passion, power and purpose.”( Eric Maisel ;
Stress continues to build in today's society where people dealing with stressful situations attempt to find solutions.In a society such as ours, where the motivating ideal is to "make it" through social status and monetary success, depression is inevitable when people fail to find the imagined pot of gold at rainbow's end.

Source:Teen Depression by  Lisa Wolff ;Depression as a Loss of Heart by John Welwood


Its like I've become immune to being happy and all I feel is this incredible urge to cry. Sometimes I can't even fake being happy anymore. Gloria 22

Being depressed is a negative state of mind and you feel the world upon your shoulders that is so heavy that you can't take personal criticisms or anything else negative from anyone else because you are already beating yourself up so much about how you have failed at life. Trying to live a normal life is just about impossible. Simple tasks like making decisions and trying to remember things is a real struggle. Trying to put energy into things that take more than a few hours also a struggle. And always a sense of feeling run down and its hard to be happy about things because all you can think of is all the negative things. Even when you have part of your life going in the right direction there are always other parts that suffer because you only have so much energy. A vicious cycle of failures and an endless black pit that you try to get out of where the dirt continuously falls back in your face and puts you back where you started.
Mattsmum 30

What's the point?There is no reason to live, to be here, to go on. All my efforts are futile, my busy-ness a desperate distraction, to keep my brain from the glaring truth, that I don't deserve to live, have no reason to live, am a no-one, useless, a waste of time and breath.I feel the potential that is me, I glimpse that potential as I live and move each day when I'm 'up', but people don't see this me, they don't acknowledge this deep self that lurks there too and I can't take it anymore.I hide from people because I can't keep the charade going, because it takes too much energy. I want to hide away, not go out. There's no reason to look good, to mind my appearance, wash my hair, to lose weight, to move from my chair. I communicate by email so that I can hide, my words play confidently on the screen and we all pretend I'm okay.
Beverly, 43
Depression is being in a state of isolation akin to being in solitary confinement. Feeling worthless and taking up space in a world occupied by 'normal' people. Feeling scared that you are hurting your child with your depression. Wanting to flee but where to? I don't want to die but I just don't want to go on living either.Depression is feeling like you are drowning and unable to reach the life raft that is just out of your reach. Depression is like wanting to disappear, to quietly dissolve away so as to escape this pain, this feeling of not being ok, not feeling ok and asking why, why do I continue living when it is such a struggle; when you have tried so hard and every avenue of promised recovery seems to come to a dead end; when you just don't want to continue anymore as you are too tired, too tired to fight any more.And, yet the will to live is still there, flickering like the tiny flame of a candle, about to wane at any minute but then without any reason and against all odds, it just burst into a tiny flame, determined to survive and give it the one last fight..My Depression is like my chosen name 'Candle' meaning uncertainty. Will it continue to flicker or will it wane??? – Candle 49



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