“You only live once but if you do it right once is enough.” ― Mae West
“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” ― Elbert Hubbard
“I've learned that people will forget what you said people will forget what you did but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ― Maya Angelou
“If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything.”― Gordon A. Eadie
“I'm not upset that you lied to me I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche
“We don't see things as they are we see them as we are.” ― Anaïs Nin
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”― Maya Angelou
“Do what you can with what you have where you are.”― Theodore Roosevelt
“If you're gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty.”― Marilyn Monroe
“Where there is love there is life.”― Mahatma Gandhi
“The truth will set you free but first it will piss you off.”― Gloria Steinem
“Everyone thinks of changing the world but no one thinks of changing himself.”― Leo Tolstoy
“You cannot find peace by avoiding life.” ― Virginia Woolf
“Always do what you are afraid to do.”― Ralph Waldo Emerson
The fault dear Brutus is not in our stars but in ourselves.” ― William Shakespeare
“In the end we will remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends.”― Martin Luther King Jr.

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Essential Emotion Called Fear

Fear 1 Very few people understand the programming of fear, and why it distorts our perceptions.Fear is apparently a universal emotion; all persons, consciously or unconsciously, have fear in some sort.
From an evolutionary perspective, the emotion of fear protected humans from predators and other threats to the survival of the species. So it is no wonder that certain dangers evoke that emotion, since fear helps protect you and is therefore adaptive, functional, and necessary. However, there is another important aspect of emotions to consider that, in the case of fear, may be important to decision-making as well as survival. That is, when an emotion is triggered it has an impact on our judgments and choices in situations. Both ,fear and anxiety emotions, are triggered in response to threat. There are times when a past fear might re-emerge, even though the present situation does not truly warrant the need to be afraid. In a study of risk taking, participants who were fearful consistently made judgments and choices that were relatively pessimistic and amplified their perception of risk in a given situation, in contrast to happy or angry participants who were more likely to disregard risk by making relatively optimistic judgments and choices.( http://www.psychologytoday.com)
Fear could thus be both a feeling and an emotion yet fear as an entirely subjective or mental feeling component would be difficult to detect as it would not be accompanied by visible or noticeable physical reactions as in fear as an emotion. Anxiety on the other hand is considered a distinct internalized emotion as it arises internally from a perceived threat rather than fear which is due to external stimuli. Fear could be defined as an externalized emotion or feeling which may or may not be accompanied by bodily reactions and fear could be conscious or unconscious. A Virus Called Fear video
A psychology of fear would distinguish fear as an emotion and fear as a feeling, fear as conscious and fear as unconscious as well as fear with bodily reactions and fear without bodily reactions and fear in anxiety and fear in phobias. It would be important to understand why fear occurs and what are the bodily reactions when fear is a strong conscious emotion and how this differs from fear as a feeling which may not have bodily reactions and could be conscious but would more likely would be unconscious. Fear as Emotions - Fear when accompanied by bodily reactions would signify strong emotional response to a situation or an object or event. Since fear is internalized, fear would naturally begin with a feeling or a subjective component. This means the individual would first "feel' afraid of the situation and then react to it. Such fear in which the individual is conscious of the emotion and reacts strongly to it is generally an emotional response and this sort of fear is thus manifested as a strong emotion.
Fear as Feeling - Fear could however be simply manifested as a subjective feeling, a sense of uneasiness or unconscious perception of some sort of danger or threat that may not evoke strong bodily reactions. Fear as feeling is thus unconsciously released in dreams, slips of tongue, lapses of attention etc. fear 2 Fearin Anxiety - Fear as a feeling could also be the subjective basis of anxiety as when internalized and even unexplained anxiety has a general feeling of fear. Anxiety thus also begins with a fear but this could be largely unconscious, internalized and more generalized. But anxiety has distinct bodily reactions and that is how anxiety differs from fear as a feeling.
 Fearin phobias consist of persistent pathological emotional response towards specific objects or events. The difference between anxiety and phobia is that phobias are always externalized whereas anxiety is internalized and fear again being externalized as an emotion or internalized as a feeling would be a part of both anxiety and phobias. However phobias are not emotions but pathological responses consisting of fear as a complex emotion and bodily reaction. Since phobias are compositions of emotions and strong reactions, the reactions are expressed in exaggerated forms in phobias so individuals with phobias would react in extreme ways and could develop a state of panic especially due to the extreme and uncontrollable bodily reactions.
In therapeutic treatment of psychology it will be necessary to understand the origin of fear and this could be done with neurological studies and studies of bodily reactions and mental states. Fear as simple feelings or complex emotional responses should be identified in specific situations and extensive fear could be studied in anxiety and phobia. -Saberi Roy -/poet/analyst/political commentator/psychologist( http://www.futurehealth.org)

We fear change because we fear the unknown. We feel uncertain as we don’t know what change will bring us. All we know is that it will cause us to move to the unknown. If we are not prepared to accept change, we will never know if change is good or right for us. We have to experience it to know. It could be a lot better than we think. When we experience change and find out it is not appropriate for us, we can always take actions to change it.
Change must begin from within our own selves. It is only when we change our inner world that we can change the outer world. Changing ourselves starts with self-discovery that is exposing our personal weaknesses so that necessary corrections can be made. Understanding our fears which are the root cause of our weaknesses is an essential step towards eliminating the fears. It is also absolutely necessary for building our inner strength.Gaining an understanding of our fears allows us to know the truth of the kind of person we are, and helps to facilitate a change in our personality. Knowing the truth about ourselves can never cause fear. However awful or dreadful the truth is, it will not deter us if we are decided on a change for the better. It in fact provides us with great encouragement to go on to become the kind of person we ought to be. Fear arises when we resist it due to our failure to understand it correctly.
We avoid change because we have been feeling pretty comfortable in our comfort zone. We don’t want to take risks and venture from where we feel comfortable and familiar with into unfamiliar territory. We feel if no change takes place, we face no risks. It is a lot easier and safer to stay where we are even if it’s not a pleasant place. But for us to make progress, we have to move to bring about positive change. Positive change is only possible if we rid ourselves completely of the fear of change. To do this, we must act courageously and decisively in resisting all feelings of fear.
Why do many of us fear change? It's because change requires abandonment of old habits and beliefs. Understandably, we are reluctant to give up completely the beliefs that we have rigidly adhered to for so long. But when we discover new information that is entirely incompatible with our beliefs, we must accept change as inevitable. We should always concentrate on being the kind of person who holds the right belief which are the truth. We must also understand that we have to willingly subject ourselves to the truth even though it's the truth that we fear. The more we do that, the more familiar they become and the once fearful situations cease to cause us to be afraid.
Our power and freedom are severely curtailed by our beliefs. Most of our beliefs are mistaken beliefs, and we still follow our erroneous beliefs thinking they are true. So is belief in nothing a better option? The best answer would be to ask ourselves whether our beliefs are fear-hands benefiting us or causing us suffering. If the latter, we should proceed to get rid of our beliefs in favour of change. But our fear of change keeps us where we are. Where we are is the state of being completely certain of things. We would rather be certain undergoing an unpleasant experience than to risk change to enjoy a pleasant experience.
Even if we experience positive change, we will still be feeling uncertain as we generally lack optimism. Our fearful anxiety is caused by what we imagine may result. We think if we can’t get a promotion, we will look for another job. But if we got that promotion to a higher position with a higher salary and better advancement prospects, there is still the fear of insecurity and doubt as to whether we can cope with the new position. Likewise, we would still have similar feelings had we got another job.
We can bring about real personal change. All it requires is our determination to make a firm and irreversible decision to persist with change in our life. We do that by removing the greatest obstacle from our life which is the feeling of fear. If we are resolutely determined to dispel our feelings of fear, nothing can stop us from our personal attainment that we have always wished for.(Source:http://www.mymotivational-nlp.com)

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  1. The realm of meanings
  2. Welfare of mankind
  3. How we think
  4. To honor the self
  5. Self-esteem
  6. Habits of mind
  7. Trust and Distrust
  8. Quote
"Human beings live in the realm of meanings. We do not experience pure circumstances; we always experience circumstances in their significance for men. Even at its source our experience is qualified by our human purposes. " Wood " means " wood in its relation to mankind ", and " stone " means " stone as it can be a factor in human life." If a man should try to escape meanings and devote himself only to circumstances he would be very unfortunate: he would isolate himself from others: his actions would be useless to himself or to any one; in a word, they would be meaningless. But no human being );an escape meanings. We experience reality always through the meaning we give it; not in itself, but as something interpreted. It will be natural to suppose, therefore, that this meaning is always more or less unfinished, incomplete; and even that it is never altogether right. The realm of meanings is the realm of mistakes. If we asked a man, " What is the meaning of life? ", he would perhaps be unable to answer. There are as many meanings given to life as there are human beings, and, as we have suggested, perhaps each meaning involves more or less of a mistake. No one possesses the absolute meaning of life, and we may say that any meaning which is at all serviceable cannot be called absolutely wrong. All meanings are varieties between these two limits. Among these varieties, however, we can distinguish some which answer better and some which answer worse; some where the mistake is small and some where it is large.+ A. Adler
We are not the only members of the human race. There are others around us, and we are living in association with. them. The weakness and the limits of the individual human being make it impossible for him to ensure his own aims in isolation. If he lived alone and tried to meet his problems by himself he would perish. He would not be able to continue his own life; he would not be able to continue the life of mankind. He is always tied to other men; and he is tied because of his own weaknesses and insufficiencies and limits. The greatest step for his own welfare and for the welfare of mankind is association. Every answer, therefore, to the problems of life must take account of this tie: it must be an answer in the light of the fact that we are living in association and that we would perish if we were alone." A Adler
Man has no automatic code of survival. He has no automatic course of action, no automatic set of values. His senses do not tell him automatically what is good for him or evil, what will benefit his life or endanger it, what goals he should pursue and what means will achieve them, what values his life depends on, what course of action it requires. His own consciousness has to discover the answers to all these questions—but his consciousness will not function automatically. Man, the highest living species on this earth— the being whose consciousness has a limitless capacity for gaining knowledge—man is the only living entity born without any guarantee of remaining conscious at all. Man’s particular distinction from all other living species is the fact that his consciousness is volitional. man. Man’s actions and survival require the guidance of conceptual values derived from conceptual knowledge. But conceptual knowledge cannot be acquired automatically. A “concept” is a mental integration of two or more perceptual concretes, which are isolated by a process of abstraction and united by means of a specific definition. Every word of man’s language, with the exception of proper names, denotes a concept, an abstraction that stands for an unlimited number of concretes of a specific kind. It is by organizing his perceptual material into concepts, and his concepts into wider and still wider concepts that man is able to grasp and retain, to identify and integrate an unlimited. amount of knowledge, a knowledge extending beyond the immediate perceptions of any given, immediate moment. Man’s sense organs function automatically; man’s brain integrates his sense data into percepts automatically; but the process of integrating percepts into concepts—the process of abstraction and of concept-formation—is not automatic. The faculty that directs this process, the faculty that works by means of concepts, is: reason. The process is thinking. - Ayn Rand
How we relate to our selves affects how we relate to others, to the world around us, to the visible and invisible universe that constitutes our ultimate context—just as how we relate to others and to the world affects how we relate to our selves. To honor the self is to be willing to think independently, to live by our own mind, and to have the courage of our own perceptions and judgments. To honor the self is to be willing to know not only what we think but also what we feel, what we want, need, desire, suffer over, are frightened or angered by—and to accept our right to experience such feelings. The opposite of this attitude is denial, disowning, repression—self-repudiation. To honor the self is to be in love with our own life, in love with our possibilities for growth and for experiencing joy, in love with the process of discovering and exploring our distinctively human potentialities. - Nathaniel Branden
Self-esteem is a concept pertaining to a fundamental sense of efficacy and a fundamental sense of worth, to competence and worthiness in principle. High self-esteem can best be understood as the integrated sum of self-confidence and self-respect. Self-confidence is consciousness evaluating the efficacy of its own operations when applied to the task of understanding and dealing with reality. If I enjoy healthy self-esteem, I value rather than am threatened by that same trait in others. People with poor self-esteem end up in the company of their own kind; shared fear and insecurity reinforce negative self-assessments. And if I feel lovable and deserving of respect, I treat others well and expect them to treat me well. But if I feel unlovable and undeserving of respect and I am treated poorly, I put up with it and feel it is my fate. Genuine self-esteem is not competitive or comparative. Neither is genuine self-esteem expressed by self-glorification at the expense of others, or by the quest to make oneself superior to all others or to diminish others so as to elevate oneself. Arrogance, boastfulness, and the overestimation of our abilities reflect inadequate self-esteem rather than, as some people imagine, too high a level of self-esteem.- Nathaniel Branden
. The Habits of Mind are an identified set of 16 problem solving, life related skills, necessary to effectively operate in society and promote strategic reasoning, insightfulness, perseverance, creativity and craftsmanship. The understanding and application of these 16 Habits of Mind serve to provide the individual with skills to work through real life situations that equip that person to respond using awareness (cues), thought, and intentional strategy in order to gain a positive outcome. 1. Persisting: Sticking to task at hand; Follow through to completion; Can and do remain focused. 2. Managing Impulsivity: Take time to consider options; Think before speaking or acting; Remain calm when stressed or challenged; Thoughtful and considerate of others; Proceed carefully. 3. Listening with Understanding and Empathy: Pay attention to and do not dismiss another person's thoughts, feeling and ideas; Seek to put myself in the other person's shoes; Tell others when I can relate to what they are expressing; Hold thoughts at a distance in order to respect another person's point of view and feelings. 4. Thinking Flexibly: Able to change perspective; Consider the input of others; Generate alternatives; Weigh options. 5. Thinking about Thinking (Metacognition): Being aware of own thoughts, feelings, intentions and actions; Knowing what I do and say affects others; Willing to consider the impact of choices on myself and others. 6. Striving for Accuracy: Check for errors; Measure at least twice; Nurture a desire for exactness, fidelity & craftsmanship. 7. Questioning and Posing Problems: Ask myself, “How do I know?”; develop a questioning attitude; Consider what information is needed, choose strategies to get that information; Consider the obstacles needed to resolve. 8. Applying Past Knowledge to New Situations: Use what is learned; Consider prior knowledge and experience; Apply knowledge beyond the situation in which it was learned. 9. Thinking and Communicating with Clarity and Precision: Strive to be clear when speaking and writing; Strive be accurate to when speaking and writing; Avoid generalizations, distortions, minimizations and deletions when speaking, and writing. 10.Gathering Data through All Senses: Stop to observe what I see; Listen to what I hear; Take note of what I smell; Taste what I am eating; Feel what I am touching. 11.Creating, Imagining, Innovating: Think about how something might be done differently from the “norm”; Propose new ideas; Strive for originality; Consider novel suggestions others might make. 12.Responding with Wonderment and Awe: Intrigued by the world's beauty, nature's power and vastness for the universe; Have regard for what is awe-inspiring and can touch my heart; Open to the little and big surprises in life I see others and myself. 13.Taking Responsible Risks: Willing to try something new and different; Consider doing things that are safe and sane even though new to me; Face fear of making mistakes or of coming up short and don’t let this stop me. 14.Finding Humor: Willing to laugh appropriately; Look for the whimsical, absurd, ironic and unexpected in life; Laugh at myself when I can. 15.Thinking Interdependently: Willing to work with others and welcome their input and perspective; Abide by decisions the work group makes even if I disagree somewhat; Willing to learn from others in reciprocal situations. 16.Remaining Open to Continuous Learning: Open to new experiences to learn from; Proud and humble enough to admit when don't know; Welcome new information on all subjects - After Arthur L. Costa and Bena Kallick, Habits of Mind: A Developmental Series, Copyright © 2000
Trust indicates a willingness to become vulnerable to another based on confident positive expectations of the other’s conduct. It has often been praised as the “glue” that holds relationships together and enables individuals to perform more efficiently and effectively. Trust reduces uncertainty over future outcomes, simplifies decision processes, and provides us with peace of mind. Trust is critical to negotiation, for several reasons. First, judgments about the other’s trustworthiness allow us to begin the negotiation process. If we believed that we could not trust the other, we would probably not want to move toward constructing a deal with them, nor believe what they were telling us during the negotiation process. Thus, trust is essential to both determining the other’s credibility in the conversation, and meeting the commitments and promises they make as we move toward agreement. Second, trust enables us to save time and energy in constructing the agreement. If we trust the other, formal agreements can be simpler, shorter and less specific. We do not have to stipulate every possible circumstance in the agreement. The need for trust arises from our interdependence with others. We often depend on other people to help us obtain, or at least not to frustrate, the outcomes we value (and they on us). Distrust is the confident expectation that another individual’s motives, intentions, and behaviors are sinister and harmful to one’s own interests. In interdependent relationships, this often entails a sense of fear and anticipation of discomfort or danger. Distrust naturally prompts us to take steps that reduce our vulnerability in an attempt to protect our interests. Accordingly, our distrust of others is likely to evoke a competitive (as opposed to cooperative) orientation that can stimulate or exacerbate conflict. A distrusting orientation has also been linked to lower job satisfaction, motivation and workplace commitment. Distrust may arise due to differences in group membership: individuals identify and are positively attached to their in-groups, yet assign negative stereotypes to outgroup members and may view them with suspicion and hostility. Distrust can also arise directly as the result of past personal experiences among individuals, such as when one person breaks a promise to another. Distrust can also result from knowing another’s reputation, [Tinsley, et al., Reputations] meaning that while there has been no direct personal experience, indirect information may be enough to create distrusting expectations. Finally, distrust is likely to increase with the magnitude of a past trust violation, the number of past violations, and the perception that the offender intended to commit the violation. Some level of distrust may be functional but too much distrust may be dysfunctional. The result is a “self-fulfilling prophecy,” where every move the other person makes is interpreted as additional evidence that justifies an initial decision to distrust him/her. This distrust not only inhibits cooperation and successful negotiation, but also may result in retaliation that causes the conflict to escalate. The negative emotions that emerge with distrust—fear, suspicion and anger—cause the trustor to vilify and demonize the other party. This view becomes especially damaging when the parties use these perspectives of each other to justify retaliatory actions that cause the conflict to escalate out of control.-Roy J. Lewicki
Man is the only living species able to reject, sabotage and betray his own means of survival, his mind. He is the only living species who must make himself competent to live.
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